I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
