It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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