I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
