And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
