Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
