Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
