just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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