you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
