I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
BRING THE BAGELS
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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