Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
