Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
