so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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