My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
