sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
