I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
