just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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