note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
