I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
