Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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