the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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