if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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