I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
