But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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