if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
