I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
