The best revenge is premature balding
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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