I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
