Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
