I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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