im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
