it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
