I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
