Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
