He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
