i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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