I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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