You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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