so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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