Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
