Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
