Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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