My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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