So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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