I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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