forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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