Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
