omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
