Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
