so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
