GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
