I love black thongs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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