Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
